My friend is going to love this......XD
So I saw one of these little guys on my bathroom wall.......I threw him outside after I showed him to mommy.......she loved it.....naaw JK.....*giggle*
So I went researching. Dermestes maculatus.....isn't the first time I've seen them in my house along with the larvae. Why? There's no rotting animal carcasses for them to strip clean to the bone in this house so what drags them here?
I've just read through several blogs and articles on them and I must say they're very.....um.....well they're very good at what they do. Wikipedia lists them as pests I see them as something that can be very useful in what they do in a controlled environment.
I say controlled environment for obvious reasons. You know "Too much of a good thing" isn't good. In this case if your little flesh eating friends get out of control.........
*DRAMATIZATION* Warning: Do not read if you're easily traumatized. I have a sick sense of humor.....you have been warned....
*~* So your friends' husband/boyfriend kicked the bucket and his body is being dressed up for the viewing/burial.......what his friends/family didn't know is that he isn't alone......
Dermestid Beetle 1: *Giggle* Do you think they know we're here?
Dermestid Beetle 2: Nope. ^________^ Did you bring the reinforcements?
DB 1: Yup 500+ are feasting tonight........Whee!
DB 3: Quick! Get in his pockets someone's coming this way!
*They all hide*
Mourner 1: *Sniff* It's all so sad!
Mourner 2: I know. But at least he had a good life.
*~* Everyone clears out of the room so the guys ( whatever they call the people who dress up dead guys ) can finish up and go look over the tribute thingy to the guy....WTF do I know about these things? Any way in that one hour they left him in there ( the coffin ) horror ensues.....
*Dermestid Beetle 3 peaks out of coffin* They gone yet? It's all dark.
Dermestid Beetle 1: Yup! *giggle* There's no one here.
Dermestid Beetle 5: In that case......PAAAAAAARTEEEHH! Whoo Hoo!
*CENSORED* You know what happens next. I don't need to tell you.
Dermestid Beetles: He's so good! Best feast EVER!!
DB 365: Better then that sea gull they fed us at the museum thingy we work at. *munch* *swallow* Good thing Fred let us come with him...oh wait he doesn't know we escaped! AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*~* In one hour they.....well you know what they did! I feel kinda sorry for Freddiepoo. Fred was one of the dead guys friends who works for a museum and specializes in said Dermestidae. What the poor bastard should've known was not to bring 500 of them in his car to take to some lab or something.......poor Fred.......the fucker's doomed.
Funeral Management Guy 1: .......and let us always remember him.
Funeral Management Guy 1: Would you like to say your goodbyes?
Girlfriend of Dead Guy: YYYYYYYYESSSS! *Giant Sniff*
FMG1: Should we open the casket?
Girlfriend: I want to see him one last....time
*~* What happens next is nothing short of something out of a horror movie....
*The casket opens......*
Dermestid Beetle 8: *Dancing on top of dead guy's bones*.......YEAHHHHH WHOO HOO SHAKE WHAT YA MOMMA GAVE YAH.....*turns around* Uh Oh.....*drops fork* LET'S GET OUT! PARTY'S OVER!
DB's: See ya later! Thanks for the food!
Everyone: Oh. My God. $*%($^(#*#%.........AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Fred: ........oh my.....I didn't think they would get ou...
Fred: Um.......well I had.....um they were in my car.......I didn't think they would get out.........
GF: YOU MOTHER FU.......
Fred: .......Uh oh *Runs*
*~* It was never cleared on what happened to Fred.......but as I said he was one dumb mother fu......
So there you go my morbid sense of humor.....XD I used to write things like this for The Venom List ( which I need to pop in for a visit.....it's been too long ) and they loved it. XD
1. I imagined the beetles dining with mini forks and knives.....
2. ......and they had a mini juke box...hence the dancing.
3. Please note that this never happens. XD Hope I didn't traumatize you. XD